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Interview with GEORGE MENDOZA
By Gregory Lee
Part of the experience of making a
pilgrimage to El Santuario de Chimayó is to
enter the tiny and cramped chamber of the
"pocito", the little well holding the blessed
soil, which is famed for the healing it has brought to
so many. For years now, a poem written on a piece
of wooden board and left behind by a pilgrim has
adorned the little room. For the pilgrims that
enter it to take some of the blessed soil, the moving
poem is a welcome and a testament to the peace that a
prayerful visit to the Santuario brought to one pilgrim
long ago. Those that have read the poem while visiting
the Santuario may wonder what the story is behind the
poem and about the life of the person who composed it.
The author of the poem is George Mendoza of Las
Cruces, NM. Some of you may recognize the name.
Mr. Mendoza has become a renowned artist and
motivational speaker whose life has been chronicled in
a published biography as well as in two PBS documentary
films.
In 1974, at the age of 19, he made
his first visit to the Santuario. He had been
struggling with the loss of his sight which he had
suffered at 15 years of age. The visit also
followed the tragic loss of his best friend, T.G Gibbs,
who died in a traffic accident. He was on his way
to visit Gibbs, when he got word that his best friend
had died. It was Gibbs that suggested that
Mendoza visit the Santuario, and the news of his death
became the occasion for Mendoza's decision to make the
journey to Chimayó. We spoke to George Mendoza
to learn about the inspiration for the poem and the
profound experience he had as a young man at the
Santuario that transformed his life.
Gregory Lee [GL]: Thank you so much, Mr. Mendoza,
for taking the time out to speak to us.
George Mendoza [GM]: I'm more than happy to give the
interview. The Santuario is so close to my heart.
I'm glad to help out.
Gregory Lee: You had a very powerful experience when
you first visited the Santuario. Can you describe
that experience for us?
GM:
Well, at the time, my best friend in the whole world, T.G. Gibbs,
had died in a terrible motorcycle accident, and I was
actually on my way to see him in a small town called
Blanco, just outside of Bloomfield. I found out
that he died in a terrible accident, and I was moved to
visit the Santuario in honor of my best friend. I
had been fighting it with him about going to the
church. I had been in a personal struggle with
the loss of my sight and what I had lost as a result of
it. I was a good high school athlete; I had been
a great runner before my blindness, when I was living
in New York. I remember that when I arrived, I was just
walking around the grounds and I had planned to camp
out that night. I used to do a lot of hitchhiking
back then; it was still safe in those days. I
remember that I got real hungry. So, I went up to
the gift shop where Ruben
Sandoval worked.
They had tamales and things like that. I
had on a backpack and a special pair of eyeglasses so I
could see. And, Ruben right away picked me out,
and he asked me, "Are you hungry? Are you a
pilgrim?" And, of course, I answered yes.
He fed me without charging me, and asked me where
I was going to stay. I said that I was going to
camp out, and he said, "Oh, no, no, no…Let
me set up my trailer for you." The trailer
was right next to the gift shop; it's not there
anymore. He said, "Give me a couple of
minutes and I'll get everything together for you."
When I came back, he had made the bed, had
toothpaste and food ready for me. It was
amazing…it kind of breaks me up now thinking
about it. He told me to stay as long as I wanted.
You know, I was thinking of T.G. the whole time.
I changed the course of that trip to visit the
Santuario in honor of him.
GL: What
had T.G told you about the Santuario before you
arrived? What did you understood about it?
GM: He
told me that it was a place of miracles and of legends,
and that I might not get my sight back, but I might get
my will back to live.
GL: The
two of you at the time, when you had the conversation
about the Santuario, were you both men of faith?
GM: No.
Neither one of us were. I had become a
born-again Christian at the age of 15, then I went
blind and I completely walked away from the whole
thing.
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GL: You
had arrived with the idea that the Santuario was a
miraculous place and you then set yourself to pray,
having been welcomed with lodging in the trailer.
Please continue the story for us.
GM: I
was in the trailer, and Ruben told me that I could stay
until I got my sight back, and that really struck me
because I didn't believe I would get my sight back.
I would walk to the church, stay in the church,
walk the grounds. I had done a lot of praying in
the church and outside, while walking around the
grounds, around the river that flows in the area behind
the church, looking out toward the mountains. In
the middle of the week, the third or fourth day, I had
made up my mind to leave. I decided to go into
the church one more time to pray. All of a
sudden, this bright light hit me. I was
surrounded by this light. In the vision, there
were people trying to touch me: people in wheelchairs,
blind people. They wanted to touch me, and I told
them, "I can't help
you because I can't even help myself." Then, in my mind's eye, I started
running toward the light, and as I was running, there
were hundreds of people there: people in wheelchairs,
blind people, deaf people, poor people. And, I
went about trying to gently touch them. All of a
sudden, they started walking, they could see, they
could hear, and I just kept running through the light.
At the very end of the vision, I was, like, this
black shadow bursting through the light, and I could
see myself. My flesh tones came back. And,
it was me running. The
interesting thing about it was that I eventually became
a world-class runner. Right after that, I joined
the United States Association for Blind Athletes. I went to Canada numerous times,
ran races all around the United States, went to Europe.
And, I set national records in track and field.
I became a subject of documentary films and
books. I got to travel all around the United
States giving motivational talks. And now, I am a
painter, and have had my work displayed in art
shows….I've had success doing art the last ten
years.
GL: Did
you compose the poem during that same stay, during that
first visit to the Santuario?
GM:
Yes. What happened was I came back from church,
and Ruben said to me, "What happened to you?"
And, I said, "I saw this light."
And, I explained to him the vision. And he
told me that it was a miracle. I responded,
"I still don't see." But he said,
"Yeah, but it's still a miracle. You don't
have to see visually; you can see spiritually."
So, he told me to leave a gift of some type for
the church. I had always
been interested in poetry and writing. My dad was
a famous children's books writer. Everyone in my
family writes. I had
been writing poetry, kind of like cowboy poetry, living
in New Mexico. So, I figured I would leave a
poem. It was done in one writing. I didn't
have time to proofread or edit the poem because it was
written on a wooden board with ink. That poem
came to me in a stream of consciousness: "I am
blind, traveled many miles to Chimayó, the place
I love, and its peace and silence, I've left my gift
this poem…" The
poem has become famous because it has been documented
in news programs, and so on. Bonnie Raitt and
Pamela Pollin did a beautiful song on it. The
poem followed me for years. It's on the Santuario
brochures; I've seen it on CBS This Morning and in Time
Magazine, and also quoted and photographed here and
there.
GL: How
do you now understand the experience that you had? How
do you understand it from the perspective of your
faith, your relationship with God?
GM: I
think that there are all kinds of miracles, and I think
we make a big mistake looking for all kinds of physical
healings. I think the fact that I was a kid going
blind when I was 15, and my best friend died at
19… I mean, what else could I suffer? My mom and I had a tough life; she was a
single parent. I guess you could say my life has
been the typical tortured artist scenario. I've
lived with a lot of tragedy, a lot of loss. But,
I really feel that when I saw that light and felt that
heat, that it motivated me. I was at rock bottom,
and it was like a spiritual awakening, a rebirth. I was on fire, and I'm still on
fire. I have so many things happening in my life
now with my art traveling all around the world, my book
is being published, the documentary film being
produced…I've been blessed with talents, family,
friends, and love. I feel like I went through so
much as a kid. I was suicidal; I didn't think I could do anything as a blind
person. And yet, God blessed me with this vision.
GL: Did
that experience make it so that you were able make
sense of the suffering you had gone through?
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GM: I
think so. I think that without certain things
that had unfolded…it seems like my friend had to
die, almost, for me to go to that church, and maybe it
was pure exhaustion, but, how do you explain my
success? How did I go
from suicidal to world-champion runner, painter,
writer, motivational speaker? It was a test of faith, it was like
putting me through the fire, I guess. You know,
the gold got refined.
GL: So,
you feel that God had somehow brought you to that
moment to push you forward into this life-mission you
have undertaken?
GM: Right.
It was T.G.'s thing - go to Chimayó, don't
knock Chimayó. You might not get your
sight back, but you might get your will back to live.
GL: That's
interesting. I'm wondering how you understand
that to be, that the Santuario de Chimayó is
this particularly holy place. Why is it a place
of so many miracles and so much inspiration?
GM: I
think it's the sheer beauty and energy of nature.
The rivers were flowing and you had that little
stream above the church, and the trees were in bloom.
It was beautiful; it was magical. The quiet
inside the walls, the solitude…it's a beautiful
place.
GL: Do
you think that, by the way the Santuario is surrounded
by such natural beauty, God had somehow ordained it,
that God had arranged this place to be a sacred place
between the mountains and by the river?
GM:
Absolutely. And, it's reflected in my poem.
"Of all the
places I have been, this must be heaven," is the last line of my poem.
That's how I feel about it. As I've said to
others, there are miracles everywhere. There were
miracles happening with the children I met there, and
even with the little dogs I played with that week; what
Ruben Sandoval did for me, because I was about to
leave. I was going to go; I might not have even
gone into the church. But, I was so relaxed, and
they fed me so well, and they took me fishing, hiking,
and into town…I didn't want to leave. And,
well, this is where my lack of faith was, that, I just
didn't think that I was going to physically see.
GL: Describe
for us how your life of faith was changed after the
experience? Did you pray more? Did you
start attending church? Were you more caring with
the people around you?
GM: Well,
there was a big change in me. I started to pray
more. I did a lot of praying running in the
desert for my training. I still struggle with
some aspects of my faith and Christianity; I still
question. But, I believe I have been blessed.
I am a man of faith because of that vision. There
was a tremendous change in me. People saw that I
was motivated, no longer feeling sorry for myself.
That was one thing that T.G. was always on my
case about, that I was feeling sorry for myself.
I was a kid going blind and I didn't like it.
I was into basketball, track and field, and
football in school, and I came out here and I didn't do
any sports. It wasn't until I went to the
church….I literally had the vision, came home,
and then, there was an invitation to run in the '76
Olympic Games, and I started running. It was tough.
They say it's difficult to go blind at any age.
But, if you're blind at birth or go blind at a
very early age, you don't know any different.
But, to be sighted for 15 years and then lose
your vision, it was pretty tough. Like I said,
there are still a lot of things I question, but I
definitely believe in that church, and it's been a
place of healing for me. It didn't heal me
physically, but I don't think we should look for
physical healings all the time.
GL: You've
been very active since having had your experience at
the Santuario. How did you see your life as a
mission afterward?
GM: I
think it's to motivate people, to teach them
that…well, if you were to learn anything from my
life it would come down to one word: persistence.
You could have all the talent, all the education,
you could be a genius, but if you're going to reach all
your dreams and overcome all of the obstacles that get
in your way, you have to be persistent. I've done a lot
of public speaking all around the country and have
gotten a good reception wherever I've gone. I
never used to talk about Chimayó; I always kept
it to myself. People would ask me about it, and I
couldn't talk about it for years. It wasn't until
I began working with this new director, that we decided
it was time. I was ready.
GL: How
was it that you were inspired to go into painting as a
blind person?
GM:
Believe it or not, in the 70's, a
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priest at the Holy Cross Retreat
House encouraged me. There were several artists
there. I'm thinking especially about Brother Michael Wright, who I named my son after. I told him
that I was having these terrible visions: these red
colors, blue spots, green pinwheels, eyes looking at
me. It was all messed up because of my eye
condition - it's very rare. He told me two things:
make designs out of them and paint them. I never
paid attention to them because I had started running.
He told me to make sense of the visions and paint
them. So, about ten years ago, I started
painting. My mother helps me out. She'll mix
colors for me and come by and tell me, "That's a
masterpiece," or "That's a piece of
crap." [Laugh] I have a good idea of
what I'm going to represent, and I can see colors.
When I work, I'm right over the canvas, just a
few inches away.
GL: What
message would you give other pilgrims to the Santuario,
especially those that are not so familiar with the
shrine?
GM: I
would tell them to go about it the way I did.
Hopefully, they won't be coming under the extreme
circumstances that I was in. I would say don't
expect a miracle the way you think a miracle is:
getting your sight back, walking out of a wheelchair,
being cured of cancer, etc. But rather, they
should seek to find inner peace. If you find
that, if you can accept your limitations, you'll become
stronger. The fact that the place is so
breathtaking, nestled in the valley, and is a place of
such energy, the flow of the river and the wind rushing
through the trees…. You know, we're all pilgrims.
Whether you're at a church or in the hospital, or
what have you, we're all pilgrims. Life is this
journey we face. Maybe, someone will not receive a
miracle when they go there, and that's OK. Maybe
it just takes a while…
GL: How
do you understand the blessed soil, how it heals or is
miraculous? Do you understand it to be a
sacramental sign? How do you understand it?
GM: All
of those things. I like to think of what Jesus
did when he took the soil and his own spittle and
rubbed it on the blind man's eyes. I can feel
that energy. I don't have to see physically.
It's an insight, an inner vision, and inner
peace. That's the way I see it. When I put
it on my eyes, I feel this warmth.
GL: I
presume that having been a pilgrim to the Santuario de
Chimayó for so many years that you have
developed a relationship with Father Roca. Do you
have a special story to share with us about Father
Roca?
GM: He
calls me "the big man" when I come every
year. He recognizes me because I'm so tall.
I've spoken to him many times. He thanks me
for writing the poem and I thank him for keeping the
poem up.
I am blind, traveled many miles to
Chimayó,
a place I love, in its silence and
peace I left this gift….a poem.
If you are a stranger, if you are
weary from the struggles in life,
whether you have a handicap,
whether you have a broken heart,
follow the long mountain road,
find a home in Chimayó.
It's a small Spanish town settled
many years ago
by people with a friendly hand.
Their culture still lives today,
they will tell stories about
miracles in the land.
Since 1813 Santuario is the key to
all good,
a church built as graceful as a
flower swaying in the summer breeze,
nested in a valley protected by
wild-berry trees.
In the dusty roads of
Chimayó, little children with brown faces smile,
majestic mountain tops rule over
the virgin land.
When the day is done the sun falls
asleep without regret,
sleeping in the twinkle of a
starry, starry night.
It's that old country feeling in
Chimayó I can't forget.
In all the places in the world I
have been, this must be heaven….
George Mendoza
Las Cruces, New Mexico
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